Tribes. Squads. Crews. Teams. Gangs. Whatever you call them, I hope you have some who you call your own. Girlfriends are so imperative, and it doesn’t matter if you’re an open book or a reserved observer. Having them gives so much purpose to life. They are an extension of you, an S.O.S of sorts. The real, long time, dope ones pray for you and will, without question, drive the get away car. Their stories, lives, lessons, and love are consistent and constant teachers. Though they should be celebrated every single day, it’s National Girlfriends Day!
They show you yourself. They teach you through their intelligence and testimonies. They don’t judge. They don’t overwhelm. They don’t force. They don’t pressure. They engage through verbal communication and by listening (that’s communicating too.) They are known and loved by your immediate family and your kids and spouses know who to call when and on your behalf. You don’t need to talk daily, but often reflect on the fact that you literally communicate daily about the deepest, yet most miscellaneous and hilarious things. The texts of randomness come right on time and you never have to filter or retract because your words and your tone are you and there’s no need to take “things” personally or in offense.
While they do all those things, it’s important to remember your role as well. People don’t pour into you, only to feel depleted and forgotten by you. In the same breath, more than likely, the people who pour into you consistently, don’t ever have to ask you to pour as well, because you, too, know when it’s time for you to pour! It’s almost like a sand clock that never loses it’s time because it’s perfectly flipped when needed; thus, providing more sand/time.
Sometimes, in somewhat complicated girlfriend-ships, you may find that you try and you’re met with walls and barriers. Many times, it has nothing to do with you. It’s merely a reflection of the other person’s quest for perfection and need to keep all things bottled because they are driven by crack-less foundations that keep them from being free and relatable. It’s also key to understand that you don’t even need to know all levels and aspects of someone’s situation to be there or be supportive. Perhaps, the safety in the situation is pouring in areas that you know will be neglected because your friend is distracted in other areas of life.
There are legit levels to this girlfriend-ship thing. The primary level that keeps you around is accepting your friend for who they are. Unless it’s malicious, bullying or just bad, taking someone as they are is the most mature and gratifying thing you can do. When the world/society has such a toxic and Handmaid’s Tale-like box for women, the true alliance resides with your girlfriends. When having a spouse and children is in play, girlfriends understand girlfriends most and best and are perfectly purposed to be a place of refuge.
Identify them. Love them. Hold them accountable and be accountable expecting nothing more than what you give. Be gentle, you don’t know all the things. Be accepting. Be supportive of them living. Understand that not being on the same page in life does not mean they aren’t of value to yours. When thinking of standards or must-haves in order to be your friend (that sounds ridiculous and I don’t agree but I know there are people like this who exist and it’s fine) don’t measure their friendship based on an expectation they know nothing about.
Be vocal and honest about what you need, while being ok with them not being who your image of perfection fits. I am imperfect and that is where my perfection lies in understanding and accepting my imperfections everyday! Anyone who can accept my imperfections and my differences, can certainly accept me, those are the people who naturally and truly see me and those are the people who make up my gang!
“Be genuine. Be authentic. Be accepting. Be the girlfriend you need to the closest girlfriends you have.”
– Dr. Erica Gray
