A Year of Getting Things… Perfect?

As in-person hybrid school approaches, I find myself wanting to do “better” in these last days of NTI. I’ve had a year of getting things…perfect? I’ve had time to come up with the “perfect” schedule and balance. Yet, I’m not sure what I think is going to make these last days any different. It’s not like my work plans have changed. It’s not like I hired a housekeeper. It’s not like I don’t have to manage the million things in life for my daughter and myself. It’s not like she’s going to suddenly be thrilled to do her classwork that she thinks I have just given her out of nowhere while she would prefer to play.

My worries haven’t gone away. So, why do I think things will drastically change? Why do I think I should have had even 30 minutes set aside for art, 30 minutes set aside for reading, 30 minutes set aside for playing all the games, or 30 minutes set aside to go for a walk? The numbers still don’t add up.

There are still constant interruptions. I’m not the type of person who likes to leave things unfinished. I find myself fixating on things because I feel like if I don’t, our lives won’t be okay. Guess what? I’ve found that everything is going to be okay. Rather than remind myself of what I didn’t do, I’ve been working on giving myself grace for all the things I did do and continue to do so well.

By simply changing my mindset, I have gotten away from the self-loathing and feeling like I don’t have it together, to having so many moments of feeling like I’m super woman.

That’s who we are. The amount of things we get done in a day, the number of hats we seamlessly wear and make look good, the life-altering problems we conquer, just everything in a 24 hour period are astonishing.

Do I get to do all the extra fun stuff and the quality me-time in every day? Absolutely not. However, I take so much pride in being in control of my life, no matter how chaotic a day might be. Giving myself grace, feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude and going to bed knowing I did my best for the day has become my saving grace.

With every life-altering occurrence, we continue to push through, for ourselves and for our children.

Even going back to in person school, I thought, “Wow, I will have so much extra time to do so many things!” Then, reality set in and I remind myself that I am a full-time working, full-time single mommy, which means I won’t have the extra time to read the book I want every day, or get that intense workout I would love to get in every day, and shower, and get ready and get all of my work done, meals cooked and maintain the household.

But I will work on prioritizing and getting the most important things for the day accomplished as best as I can.

Then, I can rush to pick up my daughter on the days she goes in person. Hopefully we will have those calm moments where we can focus on quality time: talking about our days, playing a bit, and simply being. We’ve had a year of getting things…perfect, but maybe it’s not meant to be completely perfect. That’s okay!

Maybe one day, things will feel a bit easier. But until then, I am ultimately one happy mama focused on progress, not perfection.