Mindful Momming :: Leading By Example

The word “mindful” is a word I acknowledge daily. I am constantly focused on being mindful of others, mindful of myself, mindful how actions affect others, mindful of how words can linger in someone’s mind and affect their lives. Knowing how positively this has affected me has taken me to a new level of “Momming”. A child’s mind, mindset and actions are influenced by how the person raising them or those they are around speak to them and act around them. For me, mindful momming is to lead by example.

I’ll preface this by saying, I don’t do things exactly right every single time. I have my “Bad Mom” moments when I am overwhelmed.

Things aren’t going how I envisioned them playing out. While my daughter is a very compassionate, loving, strong willed child, she has regular child moments that aren’t always, umm, who I know she is deep down. In those not-so-nice moments is where I find that mindfulness has really helped me be a better Mommy. This has helped her cope with her bigger feelings.

There are words I refrain from using, such as “fat” and “skinny”. I know how those words have affected my mindset, which, luckily, I have been able to tweak in order to have a healthier mindset. I talk to her about being healthy or unhealthy. I let her know that the healthier foods we put in our bodies and the more active we are, the healthier we are, and that it is important to take care of ourselves. When she “speaks sideways” to me, if you know what I mean, I tell her she is not to speak to me that way, then once things have cooled down and I know she’s really ready to listen, we have a conversation. I ask her if she’s ok. I ask her if she wants to talk about anything. I ask her how it made her feel speaking to me that way.

Many times she feels really bad. I know her heart because we are one and the same. She cries, then apologizes to me as she falls into my arms. I let her know that I know she is sorry and ask her if she knows how I know she really means she is sorry; she asks me how I know.

I tell her, “Because I know you’re a good person with a good heart, and you don’t like making people feel bad. And I know that because we have the same heart.”

I console her, let her know everything is going to be ok and that if she is really as sorry as I know she is, she’ll work on it next time. Those are the moments I feel extra connected to my daughter, which I need sometimes.

It seems to all come together when she sees another child acting out and the look on her face is that of astonishment and being appalled. She looks at me as if she can’t believe someone is acting that way, and inside I’m screaming, “Girrrrrrl! YOU do that sometimes, too!” But, I don’t say it.

A slight smirk appears on my face, my eyebrows raise and I ask her, “What is it? How do you think he/she is acting?” Usually she tells me that they’re acting horribly, but SOMETIMES she realizes that the behavior is a bit familiar and she hits me with that, “Well, maybe they’re having a hard time.” Now, in THOSE moments, I know those conversations have sunk in.

In my “Bad Mom” moments, where it is all too much and I get more upset than I should, at times she meets me with that same mindfulness I try to show her.

That mindfulness can come full circle. Leading by example can pay off. I instantly change my mindset and thank her. I let her know that I needed to hear that. Then, I apologize to her for overreacting. I let her know that it is important that she listens to me, but that sometimes even Mommy overreacts.

We often talk about mindsets at home. I applaud her for the smallest things because I see the efforts she makes. I know that the small things are sometimes the big things that linger in your heart and in your mind. She is that child whose signature is telling people to have a nice day. She knows when she has made someone’s day, and it makes her feel good. She compliments people, strangers at the store (while I’m right there with her because she knows not to be away from me in public and speak to strangers) and tells them she likes their shirt or their hair or anything else that is kind and positive.

Each time she turns to me while I am beaming on the inside and out and she says, “I just made their day.”

Yes you did, Laila. Yes you did.

Have the conversations. Admit your faults. Be mindful. Be love. Lead by example.