Lately, I find that I struggle because I worry about what, you, as the writer will think. I wonder if my way of thinking is too different from yours. Will my depression somehow make my writing undesirable to you all as the reader? What if no one connects with my writing? Will you come back and read my next article? While I can’t make you like what I write, I feel that if even one person reads my post, then writing it is worth it. But then life happens, when one moment brings you clarity.
As I wrestled with what to write this month, I happened upon a thought while driving. Like most moms, I had a million and ten things running through my head. I was getting on the expressway, I came face to face with a car heading right for me. I was on the ON ramp, but this car was using this ramp to get OFF of the expressway.
I panicked. What was this car doing? How did it get onto the wrong ramp? I swerved. I breathed, I think. Then, I slammed on my brakes.
As I sat in the middle of another lane, I noticed several more cars coming off of this ramp. I looked further up and noticed the cars on the expressway weren’t moving. I was so confused and honestly too exhausted from the morning to process what I should do.
Just then, I noticed a little yellow light on my dashboard telling me my gas tank was empty. “How convenient. I am late. I am tired and now I am literally running on fumes”.
I turned my car around and headed to the nearest gas station. On the way, I called my husband. I asked him if he could look up what was going on at that section of the expressway.
He immediately asked if I was on the expressway and then read the headline to me, “Accident…”
I didn’t hear the rest. I hung up and held back tears. The sprinkles of selfishness began to trickle down. Here I was complaining about these little “issues” of my day, while something much more heart-wrenching was taking place just moments ahead of where I was.
In my van, I sat for a moment. I said a prayer for the family of the person/s involved in the accident. Thoughts flooded my mind. I sat there and thought about all the things that this short little drive had reminded me:
- Life will throw things at you that are unexpected, make you question what you’re doing, and make you think quickly on your feet.
- When it seems like every couple feet we are being stopped by something in our lives, those moments may just be there for a reason.
- Our choices don’t affect just us. If you are a parent, our choices affect our children. If you’re a spouse, then your choices affect them, too. If you are an employee or an employer, your choices impact those around you. If you are simply blessed to have the ability to make choices, then more than likely, they are affecting someone else other than you.
- Lastly, even if we are running on fumes, we must keep going. Life doesn’t slow down for anyone or anything. Each moment is here and then that moment is gone. That doesn’t mean we have to enjoy each moment, because let’s be real, some moments are hard! But it does mean we should push through that moment and try to enjoy the next.
So, for now I will keep writing about experiences; both past and present, and hope that in some way it means something, to someone, somewhere.
