As a wife and stay-at-home-mom of three, I know firsthand how easy it is to lose yourself to the “mom identity” and forget you’re more than a mom. You have this family to nurture and take care of now. A lot of times, you put yourself last on the list of things to worry about. I have a 10-month-old son, and I swear for the past 10 months, I have not slept! I eat like crap, and almost every extracurricular activity revolves around our children. From school drop-offs to soccer practice, music classes, doctor appointments, grocery shopping, and laundry folding, the list never ends. I often find myself getting lost in the chaos of it all.
I also realized that once free time was given, it was automatically date night. Although I enjoy date night and spending time with my husband, I’m still left compromising on what we do for food to eat and am expected to still “perform” at the end of the night. I quickly became drained and depressed because nothing was for me anymore. I didn’t even know how it felt to fully enjoy anything; I didn’t know how I felt to be anymore.
I am very grateful that I am in therapy! I was constantly complaining about the same things to my therapist, and she challenged me to make a change. She challenged me to put me first in my life. Then, she asked me a question that I didn’t know the answer to: “What do you enjoy?”
“What do you enjoy?”
I wasn’t always a wife or a mom. I used to love being around people and going out and partying, but that was when I was 20! I hate crowds now and enjoy the quiet. This question drove me crazy for days because I really wanted to find what I enjoyed doing now.
I was up one night scrolling on Facebook when I came across an event being held at the Speed Art Museum: After Hours at the Speed. I love art! The event would have food, art, creating, drinks, and a dj. This sounded so fun! Also, I have a membership to the art museum that I never use, and admission would be free. This was perfect! I immediately secured a babysitter. I went alone, I took my time, I ate without being interrupted, I wasn’t rushed, I heard no whining, I colored, and I danced a little, too. I had the best time ever, all alone! When the event ended, I went to my car and immediately started searching through the events tab on Facebook. I had to find something else to do; I had to make this a regular thing.
I had to make this a regular thing.
From that night at the Speed Art Museum, moving forward, I planned a me date once a month. Since then, I’ve been to a chocolate botany class at Yew Dell Botanical Gardens, a creative healing event with Creative Healing LLC and The Sis that Journals, a sip and paint, I’ve gotten a massage, and many more things. I learned that for me to be the best mom and wife I can be, I have to be good to myself. I had to be able to answer that question: what do I enjoy?
I have to be good to myself.
Now, I know I enjoy spending time with myself! I enjoy discovering new things. I enjoy taking care of myself. Not only am I benefiting from this, but I am also teaching my children that self-care and having things just for you is a necessity. I inspired my husband as well. His life shouldn’t just consist of work, the kids, and myself. He goes fishing and hiking and to the gym now.
I challenge every mom out there to try this at least once if you find yourself lost in motherhood. You deserve it, and your kids deserve to see you giving yourself space to enjoy things.