Having a baby? Don’t do it without a doula. If you have never heard of a doula, I highly recommend you look into who they are and what they do for you. A lot of people seem to be confused about the difference between a doula and a midwife, so I’ll start there. Midwives are trained, medical professionals who you can enlist in place of, or alongside a, traditional Ob-Gyn for women’s health and childbearing. Doulas, on the other hand, are your support guides for all parts of childbearing that are not medical.
Doulas can help you prep your home and hearts for a new baby. Give you exercises to ease discomfort or help baby get primed for the birth canal. Show you how to swaddle and help your baby eat optimally. Talk you through the hardest parts of labor. Provide counter pressure during contractions. Help you change positions to move labor along. Bring you a snack or a drink. Hold your barf bag when you’re violently throwing up during contractions (for real, mine did this). Coach your partner through the unknown parts of childbirth.
Before I was pregnant, before I had a birth plan, and before I even knew my options for birthing children, I knew I wanted a doula. My mom died the same year my husband and I got married, so I was going to be going through this thing without the one person I expected to lean on most during pregnancy and birthing. She was supposed to teach me not only how to be a mom, but how to bring those babies into the world. But I definitely got the next best thing with my doula and, honestly, didn’t think about missing my mom the second time around.
Here are some of the main reasons why I knew very early that I wanted a doula:
- All natural, unmedicated births statistically allow for less tearing and a smoother, quicker recovery. As an active person who struggles to relinquish control of anything, I wanted to bounce back as quickly as possible. I knew I needed guidance on how to do this. Even if my mom was around, she didn’t plan any natural births and wouldn’t have been able to help me the same way a doula could.
- The doula is as much for your partner as it is for you, if not more. The birthing experience was completely new to not only me, but also to my husband. When things get a little crazy, of course she is there to hold your hand and tell you to breathe. But she is also there to tell your husband to breathe, or not look behind the curtain at your C-section, or explain the jargon the doctors and midwives are using when things get complex.
- Having someone unbiased when unexpected medical decisions need to be made is 100% why I chose to use a doula the second time around. We went from unmedicated and all natural to an emergency C-section with our first. Our doula coached me and my husband through everything and we never felt too anxious or out of control of the situation. When we decided to go for a V-BAC and knew that the chances of needing another C-section increased with this attempt, we knew that we wanted our doula by our side again.
And praise be for that doula! She provided comforting words but also firm guidance on positioning, movement, and navigating a transfer from birth center to hospital and from V-BAC to C-section. She brought me snacks and put my nose ring back in after surgery. She held the barf bag for me through both labors and nudged my husband to do or move certain ways to best support me. She provided the most amazing counterpressure during contractions–so much so that when my husband tried to do it, I told him to move and let her do it better.
When I came home from the hospital with baby number two, I was a wreck. I wasn’t coping the same way I did with the first. My doula came over to hold the baby and cook me dinner and give advice on sleeping strategies. She brought some light into my house when it felt like total darkness. Almost six months later and I still text her to ask a question or get advice.
Even after bringing two beautiful boys into the world and dealing with almost every crazy turn labor could see, I cannot imagine birthing without my doula. I would feel lost and unprepared. I would feel like a vital and irreplaceable part of my birthing team was missing. Honestly, even though we will never be on a birthing team together again (permanent steps taken to ensure this), I cannot imagine doing parenthood without my doula.
